The Maytag repairman was tightening the belt on a dryer drum when the alarm went off. He hated waking up before he'd had a chance to put his tools away. He stood up and put on the uniform he ironed and laid out before bed. Perhaps tonight the iron wouldn't work and he'd have to fix it.
He went to the kitchen and put two slices of Wonder bread in the toaster. He pushed the handle down and the electrical elements began to glow. "I don't know why I get my hopes up," he thought to himself. "I suppose there'll be no problem with the coffee either."
The coffeemaker performed flawlessly and the repairman poured himself a cup before getting in the van for the drive to the shop. He held the accelerator down for a moment before attempting to start it, but it still started, so he put on his seat belt and backed out of the garage. He paused by the mailbox and watched the garage door go down as efficiently as it had gone up.
He had almost half a tank of gas, and the shop was less than 5 miles from home, but he stopped for gas anyway, only to find that the pump was in sound working order.
There were two traffic lights on the repairman's route. Both were working properly, and one even remained green until he had passed.
He parked at the far end of the lot so that in the event that any customers came, they would be able to park near the door.
Once inside, he flipped the light switch only to find that no bulbs had burned out. He removed his uniform jacket and detected that the heater must be working. He sat at his desk with the newspaper. He gave his test pencil a gentle push into the electric sharpener and the sharpener responded immediately. He put it back in the cup and picked up the phone, which greeted him with a clear, strong dial tone. The computer jumped to life next. No new messages on the company site. Nothing but spam in his box.
The repairman stared at the company's web page, waiting to see if any messages came in now that it was 9:00 A.M. and business could begin. He stared and sipped coffee until almost 10:30 and he could be sure that the newspaper would carry him through to lunchtime.
He topped off his coffee before easing into the headlines. He theorized that people would be repairing their appliances rather than replace them now that the country was at war. Pretty soon he'd be putting in over-time, and the extra mileage would probably cause the van to fall into need of repair. He was warmed by these exciting ideas and got up to adjust the heat. The heater stopped instantly when he touched the thermostat.
The repairman's dreams of overtime came to a sudden halt when he realized the "OPEN" sign wasn't lit. He ran to the switch and turned it on. Nothing happened.
He wasn't sure what to do next. He stepped toward the desk, then toward the door, then wondered how much business he'd missed by not having the "OPEN" sign on. He started toward the door to get his toolbox from the van, but stopped halfway and turned around with a slow, sick, sinking feeling. In a complete emotional 180, he went to the sign and plugged it in. It lit up.
He went back to his desk and wrote himself a reminder so that when the company was going over the year's activities, he could explain the lack of business on a Tuesday morning. He e-mailed a copy to the regional manager (it was delivered without a hitch) and put a copy in his daily store log.
He returned from lunch with another newspaper and a 32-oz coke. He checked for messages. He checked the site. He checked his e-mail. Nothing. He checked the phone for dial tone. Finding one, he settled down to read the paper.
The repairman took the wastebasket containing 2 newspapers and an empty coke out to the dumpster before heading home in the properly operating van, through the properly operating traffic lights, and under the properly operating garage door.
He made dinner in the oven, which gave a stellar performance, aligning the marks on the dial to the temperature on the test thermometer the repairman kept inside it. There was hot water when he did the dishes, and there was still hot water when he took a shower later that evening. The washer washed his uniform and the dryer dried it, and neither of them had a bit or trouble. The repairman ironed his uniform and went to bed, slightly concerned that he'd be late for work if the alarm didn't go off in the morning.