1) I resolve not to punch my personal anger management coach in the face again this year.
2) If in a fender bender, I resolve to do the adult and civilized thing of exchanging driver’s licence and insurance information. Then I will smash the jerk’s windshield and kick in his door.
3) I resolve to get a softer, more likable tattoo on the other side of my face.
4) I resolve to not transport drugs in my car for personal use; or at least hide them better.
5) I resolve to set up a grudge match between myself and Donald Trump - one of the few people the public will root for me over, plus we could both use the money and career boost.