Mom is visiting Aunt Ethel. 173 Lilac Lane, Upper Luddberry. CYA soon.
I felt a familiar thrill as I read the text message then deleted it. “Mom” was one of our best agents; if she was calling in backup, then this was big. Very big.
Two hours later, I pulled up in front of the small cottage on Lilac Lane. Chintz curtains twitched at the window as I walked up the flower-lined path. Before I could knock, the door flew open and I found myself wrapped in a death grip.
Fortunately, I recognized the technique. Although I hadn’t worked with her in five years, Mom hadn’t changed a bit. Her gray helmet of hair, thick glasses and shapeless dress effectively masked the woman underneath; nobody in her Garden Club would ever believe that her hands were licensed to kill – and had.
“Jack! It’s so good to see you again! How are Suzy and the boys? Come in and get out of those cheap city clothes. It’s about time that you relaxed…”
I gave her another hug and looked around. If Mom was calling my Gucci’s cheap, then I knew that she was under tight surveillance.
“Now, go get changed and then we can talk. I have a few errands I was hoping you could run.” She swept me into a small bedroom in the back. My disguise was simple – a flannel shirt, denim overalls, and some sturdy boots completed the ensemble. A quick change and I was sitting at the kitchen table enjoying a piece of homemade apple pie. Mom was a woman of many talents.
“Jack, dear, I was wondering if you could do a favor for me. I’m a little short on money this month, so I’m going to have to sell my cow. I know you love Lulabelle as much as I do, but the time has come to part with her. There’s a man in the market who’ll give you a fair price.” Sharp blue eyes stared at me from behind thick lenses, willing me to understand.
“Lulabelle’s milk…is better than a golden egg. I'm sure that he'll buy her.”
The Agency had spent 14 months searching for Dr. Goliath’s secret lab. Nicknamed the Golden Egg, it turned out some of the world’s deadliest – and most expensive – toxins. Sounded like Mom might have located it.
“Well, what are you waiting for? The cow’s outside. Get going.”
Looking up, I was surprised to see a live cow grazing contentedly in the back yard. A quick glance told me that there was no way Lulabelle was going to fit in the passenger seat of my Jaguar. We would have to hoof it.
Twenty minutes later, Lulabelle and I entered what I assumed was downtown Upper Luddberry. A small street fair was in full swing, complete with music, a juggler and various vendors selling their wares. The small crowd didn’t seem to find anything strange about a man in overalls walking a cow down the middle of the road.
I spotted Shifty Eyes immediately.
“Nice cow,” he wheezed.
“Her name’s Lulabelle.”
“I’ve heard that Lulabelle’s milk…is better than a golden egg.”
“That’s right. And she’s for sale. What will you give me for her?”
Grimy hands dug in his pocket and came out with five beans.
“These are magic beans. Amazing what you might find if you planted them.”
I traded Lulabelle for the beans and headed back to Mom’s. I was almost to the flowered path when I heard muffled sounds, then a strangled shout.
“Plant the beans! Plant the –“
I pulled three of the beans out of my pocket and threw them to the ground. On impact, they exploded into huge vines, twisting together as they shot into the sky. I grabbed a leaf and was 10 feet off the ground before Dr. Goliath and his men made it through the door.
Thirty feet up, the vines took a sharp left and moved away from the road; after a quarter of a mile, the incredible legumes slowly descended onto the roof of an old barn. It looked just like any other barn – except for the expensive ventilation equipment cleverly disguised as bales of hay.
Mom had found the Golden Egg.
The vine trembled slightly and I turned to see Doctor Goliath drop off a leaf and start towards me, hypodermic needle in hand. I ran to the nearest ventilation shaft, tossed in the beans and waited. One thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three…
Vines burst through the roof of the barn, carrying lab equipment with them. I grabbed the first equipment-free leaf and rode into the air. The vines swayed back and forth dangerously, but I managed to hold on. Dr. Goliath wasn't so lucky. The new plant swept him off the vine. I heard a brief scream - then silence.
As I soared through the air, I pulled out my phone and hit speed dial 7.
"Mom needs a clean-up crew in Upper Luddberry. The Golden Egg is out of business."
"And the giant is dead."