It was a beautiful spring day and the children had been cooped up in the house for long enough. The boys needed haircuts and I needed peace and quiet. My husband, Joe, was on his third cup of coffee while reading the newspaper and I sweetly said to him, “Darling, why don’t you take the kids outside for awhile? The girls can play while you give Tommy and Jacob haircuts.” He rolled his eyes, set down his cup and newspaper, and looked at me like I’d suddenly grown horns!
“I’ve got a lot of chores I can take care of today. Why don’t you take the kids outside and give the boys a haircut.”
Remaining calm and determined to get my quiet time I simply said “But you are so much better at that kind of thing with the boys than I am. Here are the scissors, the clippers and the cape.” I quickly left the room to avoid any further discussion and scored a victory for myself.
I went directly to my bathroom where I intended to have a nice soaking bubble bath. While I was drawing the water, I opened the window to catch the wonderful breeze and looked out into the back yard. My precocious daughters, Emily and Jackie, were happily playing make-believe with their dolls in the shade under the big maple tree. Emily is the eldest, Tommy and Jackie are twins, and Jacob is the baby at age 3. The boys were running wildly around the yard in obvious rebellion. Joe was standing at the picnic table laying out the capes, scissors, and trimmer. Despite the appearance of mild chaos, I was determined to have my bath so I closed the blinds and turned off the water. I lit a candle and sank down into the hot, relaxing water.
I could hear the laughter of my little girls and occasional screams of “You can’t catch me!” from the boys. Joe was trying to be calm as he continued yelling “Tommy. Jacob. Both of you get over here right now!” I could picture the scene outside with Joe just sitting at the picnic table expecting the boys to come to him. I had a good 10 minutes of relative peace and quiet before all heck broke loose in the back yard. I could hear Joe frantically screaming at Tommy and the girls cackling with laughter. One of the boys was crying. I got out of the tub and quickly dried off, and put on a pair of sweats. Despite my best laid plans, it was time to go see what was going on.
I couldn’t believe my eyes! There was my husband all twisted up in the hammock with Tommy just standing there laughing and pointing at his Dad. My darling daughters were with Jacob at the picnic table cutting his hair with the scissors! Jacob was crying as the girls hacked away at his beautiful head of curly blonde hair. I ran to the girls and took the scissors away. I sat them down and exclaimed, “What happened?” All the kids started talking at once. “Hush up,” I said as I walked over to my husband who was trying desperately to free himself from the hammock. After successfully entangling him, I told everyone to get into the kitchen and sit down.
Once inside, I surveyed the damage. Tommy had managed to avoid the haircut altogether by making his Dad chase him around the hammock and we know how that ended. Poor Jacob was still crying and he looked like a kid in a bad punk rock video with his hair cut at all different lengths! The girls knew they were in trouble and remained quiet with their heads down. Joe just looked at me with his reddened face waiting to see how I was going to fix this.
“Tommy, Emily and Jackie, just sit there and not make a sound. Joe, go out and bring in the cape and trimmer. Jacob, get up here on the counter.” I barked out the orders like a general. I helped Jacob up on the counter. “I’m sorry, sweetie, but Mommy has to fix this so it will grow out right” I said to him as he slowly quieted down his sobbing. I then proceed to shave off all that remained of his beautiful curly hair. I ran my hand over his beautiful bald head and proclaimed, “There, that’s much better. You won’t need another haircut for quiet awhile.” He looked up at me and smiled.
“OK, Tommy it’s your turn.” He knew better than to argue with me. Tommy liked his hair a little on the long side but I decided it was time for a change. To his horror, I shaved his entire head. “Now, you look just like your brother.”
The girls were laughing now and pointing at their brothers’ shaved heads. “Now it’s your turn, Miss Emily.” Flabbergasted and protesting, Emily, with her shoulder length blonde hair, hopped up on the counter. I finished with her and gave Jackie her hair cut as well. My children sat there quiet and calm, running their hands over their heads. Joe looked at me in disbelief. “I can’t believe you did that.”
My four children now have the perfect summer haircuts. I have two girls with very short pixie cuts and two boys with heads as bald as babies’ bottoms.