I found the camera in the dungeon of an ancient castle I was touring for an upcoming shoot. Our group had just left the treasure vault. As the tour guide droned on, I snuck into the secret underground tunnel we had seen and waited for the place to close down for the night.
It looked odd sitting there on the floor amongst moldy chains, like a freshly made ice cream sundae in a box of spoiled beets. Naturally, I took it.
It was a weird looking instant film camera. The battery cover had text on it that read "Dead Batteries", and the film counter showed one picture left. I decided to use that picture on the dungeon so I put in my last two spare batteries. I pushed the red button and the flash filled the room brightly. The gears whirred, the front slot opened, and the camera vomited out one partly developed photograph. I pulled it out and stuffed it into my pocket. It was time to head out. I was feeling a little creepy – and guilty.
Driving off the castle grounds, a rabbit crossed the road. I swerved, sideswiping a tree. My passenger side headlight was caved in. I swore loudly at the beastie and drove home, my vehicle half blinded.
When I got back I looked at the picture. I was amazed at how three-dimensional the image was. I stood there dumbfounded, gazing at this wonder of chemical dyes and plastic sheeting. I reached out to touch the stone bed in the photo. Suddenly, there was a high-pitched sound in my head and I found myself standing back in the dungeon!
I looked at the photo – the image was gone, replaced by a milky white smear. I walked outside, not knowing what else to do. Oddly, my car was parked in the lot. I walked over to get in when I stopped and stared. This was my car. The license plate confirmed it. But the passenger side headlight was intact. Had I traveled back in time?!
I needed to get somewhere familiar. I started the car and began to drive away. Then I remembered – the rabbit! I slammed on the brakes. Three seconds later, he hopped past me and into the bushes where I saw him go the first time. Except now, my car was not damaged!
The next day there was one of those "ultra realistic" re-creations of the siege of the castle scheduled. I wondered just how "ultra realistic" it was going to be. I took my new toy with me to find out. At best, I would end up filthy rich; at worst I would have to watch the re-creation twice.
I emptied my gear bag of everything except the time camera. On the way to the castle, I bought a copy of today’s newspaper.
At the re-creation, I took photo after photo, stuffing them into my gear bag without looking to see if they were good shots or not. I must have taken over a hundred. I drove home barely paying attention to where I was going.
Once inside my room, I dumped the pictures out on the bed. All of them were milky white! All of them save the last one taken. So the film counter showed one photo left for a reason. No problem, it was a perfect shot. It showed the siege camp outside the castle walls not fifty yards from the underground tunnel that the attackers never knew about - the same tunnel that I did know about.
I grabbed the newspaper and my gear bag. I picked up the photo and reached out to touch it. There was the high-pitched sound, and I was taken to the siege camp. I spun around to look at the castle. Instead of a moss covered husk of half decayed stone, there was a fortress of new looking granite! I had been transported over 900 years in the past!
I ducked into a tent, "found" some clothes and dressed to look the part. I skulked around until I found the underground tunnel. Hiding myself in the brush, I stole my way into the castle. Once in, I turned left, and saw the treasure vault. There was a guard standing watch at the entrance. I ran up to him and snapped his picture. The flash blinded him, and he dropped his axe. I grabbed it and knocked him unconscious.
I entered the vault. There was enough gold and jewelry to make any pirate sick with envy. I folded the camera up, tucked it into my shirt and loaded up my gear bag. As I was about to set up my escape photo, the door burst open. There were five guards. Having no hope for escape, I immediately surrendered. After all, with a time machine, one can afford to make mistakes! I’d just come back again, this time knowing about the additional guards.
They tossed me into the dungeon. It was a familiar place. Laughing to myself, I pulled out the camera and my 2009 newspaper. I’d just take a quick photo of the paper on the bed, and then be home!
I placed the newspaper down and stepped back. I pushed the red button and...nothing. Frantically, I pushed again and again but to no avail. Flipping the camera over, I looked at the battery cover.
It read "Dead Batteries".