Newspaper headlines 5th May 2012:
"USA gets disbanded" - The Times
"EU adopts America" - The Independent
"American chaos now our problem" - The Star
"Americans now in EU" - The Telegraph
"Chaos marks end of USA" - The Mail
"Amy Winehouse says no more drugs" - The Sun
Chapter 1
There were 5 candidates left, and 5 jobs left in the EU elections. Each person had to take a job. Each had hoped for Representative for Abundant Supplies. Each was fearing the worst. The ballet process had to be changed so the unfavorable jobs would have a
Minister. All the unwanted civil servants in the EU had already been reallocated, now all that was needed was a minister to front the department.
Each of the 5 candidates was still standing on the stage, 15 candidates already handed jobs. Some respectable, but all cushy. First of the remaining candidates was the Italian Marcos Salvani, who was hoping for an Italian position, but had been squeezed out of his countries affairs. Second was the Frenchman Yanos Yenta, of Japanese decent, which is said to be a contributing factor to him also being squeezed out of his counties politics. Next there was the ex-minister for agriculture from Luxembourg, and the Irish candidate who had his heart set on a good post, and his mind set on the after election party. Finally the Brit Sir Desmond Glazebroke, standing with a rather bemused look on his face.
One by one their names were called out, along with the post they had to fill.
The Italian was happy with his position as Minister for Cheese Preservation, and the Frenchman was delighted with his post intended to defend the vineyards of Europe. The Luxembourg minister was slightly less amused with his posting to the Irish Sea Coral Reef Detection Department, but the Irish minister was over the moon with his post of Beers and Ale representative for Europe.
One man got the most disappointing post. One man would have had the look of greatest disdain if he had much idea what was actually going on. One man got the post in the American Rejuvenation office.
Chapter 2
It was the first day of his reign in the department. His department. He walked into his new office as bold as brush, took of his coat, and hung it up with his hat and scarf.
"Right then! A new day, a new office. Lets get started. Where's the scotch?"
"In the cabinet beside your desk Minister, allow me" said the gentleman greeting the new Minister. It was his permanent secretary, Derek Hedge.
Hedge went over to the drinks cabinet and poured a single scotch for his new lord and master.
"There are just a few protocols we have to observe, I'll introduce you to a few of the members of staff that you'll be working with"
Glazebroke cut him off.
"Now there's no need to start going into all that palaver, I find it isn't much use anyway, I tend to forget most peoples name anyway, so I seldom bother even asking now. You tend not to when you get to my age. I once forgot who the Prime Minister is. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing if I wasn't having lunch with him at the time."
"Ok, well we still have the matter of a few meetings that have to be arranged, if I could discuss your diary?"
"Don't worry about it, what comes comes, just make sure we have the right drinks in the cabinet and we'll be fine"
"Very well. It's all fairly relaxing, there isn't that much to do as such."
The rest of the day dragged by with various meetings, most of the time Sir Desmond didn't seem to be going out of his way to understand what was going on. Eventually 4 o'clock came. Sir Desmond looked up, saw the clock and a smile appeared on his lips.
"Ah, look at the time my dear boy! Seems we managed to get through without any of those messy introductions after all. Been a bit of a busy one. What would you say to a glass of Chardonnay before home time?"
"Yes Minister. We don't actually have any Chardonnay, but I'm sure I can get some white sent up for you."
"What? No Chardonnay? How do they expect me to work without a tipple before home time. I mean, it's insufferable."
"Indeed Minister, however, with the chaos that reaped America in the revolt, all the wine, apart from the reserves we have in our little sanctuary here, and what we import yearly, have all been destroyed. I can request some to be shipped in on our next shipment, but that won't be for another 353 days."
"Well I'm afraid this simply isn't good enough. Why can't we do something about it and get some produced locally?"
"The situation has changed wildly Minister, America is no longer the commercial center it once was. Everything was torn down in the riots and wars that occurred when the country reached melt down. Now, although there were ideas to rebuild it, the overwhelming majority decided to just keep an eye on it and let it grow wild so to speak. There are a few little pockets of population, but nothing to speak of. The plan is that left to its own devices nature will take over and the country will get a negative carbon footprint to balance out the other global players who are unwilling to go green so to speak."
"Yes, that's all very well, but I need some Chardonnay. I don't care what we have to do. Make it ourselves if we have to. Wine comes from grapes if I recall, and they're green, so I don't see how this changes the plan."
Chapter 3
10 years later, by the end of Sir Desmond Glazebrokes term, America was 50% vineyards and was poised to be the worlds supplier of alcohol.