Fred was walking home when he tripped over a manhole cover in the street in front of his house. It hadn't been put back properly, and one side was up in the air. He hurt nothing important except for his dignity, but he did tear a hole in one of the legs of his pants. In a foul mood, he stormed into his house.
“Is something wrong dear?” his wife asked.
“I'll say something is wrong. The fool workmen did not replace the manhole cover properly.”
“Well they were working in the sewer today. Would you like me to ring them in the morning?”
“No, I will take care of this personally.”
The next morning Fred walked down to the municipal building, an imposing edifice, and up to the receptionist.
“I am Fred Brown, taxpayer, and I would like to report some lax workmanship regarding my sewer line.”
The receptionist popped her gum and said “Yes sir, is it backing up, not working, or flooding the street?”
“Good heavens no! The manhole cover was not replaced properly.”
“Then you want the Department of Manhole Covers. Room B-3.”
“Which is where?”
“The basement, that is what the 'B' stands for.”
Fred looked around for an elevator; not spotting one he opted for the stairs. The room in question was adjacent to the boiler room. He knocked on the door, and a voice from inside bade him to enter. He did. The room was small, Fred had seen bigger janitor's closets. Stuffed into it were a desk, two chairs, and a man. On the desktop a nameplate announced: David Loudermilk III, Director, Department of Manhole Cover Selection and Maintenance.
“Next!,” the little man announced. Fred rather assumed he was David.
Fred looked around, and seeing no one else, not that they could fit a third person in the office, said “I believe I am next.”
“Very well, fill out this form in triplicate.”
He handed Fred a form on a clipboard and a pen.
Fred looked over the form, and was bewildered. Hundreds of boxes, all required, most having to do with dimensions. Weight of manhole cover, year of manufacture, diameter, top grid choices, he shook his head at it all.
“Look I only have a simple request,” he said.
“There is nothing simple about manhole covers,” David interrupted. “Few people understand the care and consideration that goes into choosing them. For instance, do you know why manhole covers are round?”
Fred thought about it. “So they fit over the manhole?”
“Typical answer, and utterly wrong. Look here,” David said, putting a replica of a sewer entrance, manhole, and little paper man working on the sewer. In this case the manhole was square. “Notice what happens when you use a square manhole cover.”
He took a miniature square piece of metal, and moved it over the hole on a diagonal, where it dropped in and crushed the little paper man.
“So you see, it isn't that simple.”
“Yes but all I wanted to ask.”
“And there is one other shape of manhole cover used. Do you know what it is?”
“Well, I...”
“Equilateral Triangle.”
“That's all very fine, but what I came in about...”
“And there is only one place that uses those. Know what it is?”
“Look, I can see you are an expert on manhole covers, but my problem is the one in front of my house doesn't fit right since...”
“Doesn't fit right? The devil you say. I personally go over the specifications of each and every one of them myself. It must fit right.”
“Well it probably does, but the workmen did not put it properly in the hole.”
“Well why didn't you say that to start with? You want the Supervisor of Manhole Cover Placement. His office is down the hall. Room B-11”
Fred left the office, and located room B-11. He knocked on the door. A voice from inside bade him to enter. The office was as small as the first.
“Pardon me, I'm...”
“Yes, yes, I am a busy man. Take this form and fill it out in triplicate.”
“...looking for the boiler room. Sorry to have bothered you.”
“If you want a job done right, sometimes you are better off doing it yourself,” Fred thought.