Almost drunk with fatigue, I watched the security guard moving behind the glass doors. The bitter cold was relentless and I could see my breath disappearing in wisps of steam as I mouthed silent curses into my scarf, but he wasn't watching me. His eyes were on his wristwatch as he paced back and forth and I thought I could see a smug smile on his pinched, officious face. He looked just the type of man that would take a perverse delight in the discomfort and suffering of others. As if to confirm my line of thought, he reached behind a desk and raised a mug of steaming liquid to his lips. Again, that self satisfied smile played briefly on his features, and this time his eyes caught mine. I was right; he was enjoying his moment of power.
I turned away, disgusted. Sleety snow had been falling for a few hours now and my fingers and toes were numb, despite my heavy clothing. I glanced at the long line of people behind me. They were in obvious distress, too; but their faces looked oddly beautiful in the chill darkness. Dappled, sparkling light played across them from the Christmas lights strung along the Mall's facade, and they were still buzzing with the excitement of expectation, I knew. Despite the conditions, they were talking and laughing, looking forward to the coming day.
They hadn't been standing here as long as me, though. I had arrived here hours ago; determined to be first in line. Determined to be first inside when those doors opened, in a few minutes. Just a few minutes more, and the sale was on. Christmas Day was yesterday - 'tis the Season to nab bargains.
I slapped my gloved hands together, trying to get some feeling into my frozen fingers. The sleet was becoming proper snow now. Through the glass, in the warmth of the Mall, I could see store lights coming on and shutters being raised, and from behind me I could feel the anticipation beginning to build. The guard, however, made no move to open the main doors. Idly, I wondered if I could manage a swift, deadly karate chop to his neck as I ran past when the doors opened. Or I'd ram his nose into his brain. Or maybe, I could just grab his throat and squeeze...
“Hey, man. You thinkin' bad thoughts,” a voice said nearby. I turned round, and my heart sank even further. A tramp had sidled up behind me, and was peering at me intently from under a shapeless hat. It didn't cover the dripping mass of hair spilling over his shoulders. His hands were stuffed deep into the pockets of a long, filthy looking overcoat. I noticed the queue of people had moved back a little, nervous at the man's appearance.
“It ain't the season, man,” he said, his voice strangely soft and clear. “You got to be happy, this time of year,” he continued, and smiled. His thick beard parted in an amazingly white grin, full of perfect teeth. He kept staring at me, and, weirdly, I noticed how blue his eyes were; how alive they seemed. The Christmas lights seemed to dance within them.
Still, though - the man was just a tramp, and I couldn't move away from him or I'd lose my place in the queue. I folded my arms in front of me and looked away.
“I don't have any money. Please go away,” I said. If anything, the smile widened and became a grin.
“You don't have no money, what you standing here for, man?” He said, his eyes sparkling with amusement. I was at a loss. I looked around for some help, but everyone was pointedly looking in other directions.
“Uh... I don't carry cash. I'm sorry,” I said, squirming inside at how lame that sounded. Why did I feel the need to explain myself to him? I glanced at my watch, praying the Mall doors would open soon. Still a few minutes to go.
“That's okay, that's okay. I don't want your cash. I'm just spreading the message of the season about. You don't seem happy, my friend,” he said. I was struck again by how pleasant that voice was; how cultured it sounded - in fact, there was almost an aura about the man. I looked at him again, more closely this time. He didn't seem at all bothered by the cold. Despite his ragged clothing, he wasn't dirty, and his skin was had a light golden cast to it. Water trickled in rivulets down his face, and for a moment it reflected red from the lights. I shuddered; in that instant it looked almost like blood. Some familiar memory nagged at me.
“I'm not your friend...,” I began, but he continued as if I hadn't spoken.
“I'm always spreading the message,” he said, “especially at this time of year. It's disappointing, how few care to listen to it.” His accent was changing; now I couldn't place it at all. He sighed, tipping his head back to the dark sky, then spread his arms out, palms raised. He was wearing fingerless gloves, and I saw there were dark stains on both palms.
The smile never left his face. His pale blue eyes returned to mine, and an uneasy feeling came over me. Suddenly, I knew I recognised him - the hair, the beard, the eyes. The aura. This was a face I'd seen a hundred times or more. But it couldn't be, could it? Here, standing in the gathering snow in a shopping mall parking lot?
“Who are you?” I said, unable to believe what I was thinking. There seemed to be a glow surrounding the man now; more than I could account for from the Christmas lights all around us. Couldn't anyone else see this? He took a step closer to me.
“My friend - my brother. You know me, you've always known me, in your heart. Come to me... embrace me, and know everything you wish to know. Find peace, find happiness within me. All you need to do is embrace me.” He stood, waiting. Entranced, I felt a tear in my eye as I moved toward him.
There was a loud click behind me.
I turned toward the Mall. The guard was stepping back from the door, a large ring of keys in his hand. The tramp's arms were still open; beckoning me. Our eyes met.
My reverie snapped - what in the name of God had I been thinking? About to hug a stinking tramp, indeed. It must be the cold, I thought. Well, the Mall was about to open at last - it would be warm in there. I could sense the press of people behind me beginning to move, eager to get past me, trying get to the sale ahead of me. The doors began to open.
The beatific smile vanished as I put my hand onto the tramp's chest and pushed. He slipped and fell in the wet snow with a startled yelp.
“Jesus Christ, will you stop hassling me?” I shouted at him, as I began to run. Ahead, the mall was inviting, a cave of magic and glimmers. I could hear music playing. The scent of cinnamon and pine filled the air.
The crowd behind me didn't even notice the sprawled figure on the ground, as we moved toward the Holy Land.