Front: You Graduated!
Inside:
Congratulations this momentous day,
You've graduated, and may we just say,
It's no mean feat, we thought you were doomed.
When you were held back while other kids bloomed.
Never a scholar, you still perservered
in smoking, and ditching, and just being weird.
But still, here we are, you made it at last.
Got over your hangups, and conquered your past.
So here's to you, nephew, you're finally through.
Diploma in hand, what a glorious coup.
And should they discover you hacked the DBs.
Don't worry, you can still find a job at McDs.