Dear Santa,
Thanks for the 270 pound bag of rusty screws and bent nails.
It's just what I always wanted. Not!
I'm gonna find you, you drunken old fart, then I'll tie this bag to your back and throw you off my boat into the frozen lake.
You think you're gonna get away easy? Watch it fat boy, I'm onto you and that old beastly whore you call a wife, well I'll serve her to the wolves and bears.
It's the last time you ever gift this to a customer and expect to get milk and cookies in return.
Damian