“Good news guys, I got us a job!” Boss announced, drawing himself up to his full three-foot two-inch height.
“It better not be a road crew again,” Rebel griped, I'm getting' tired of scratching my butt and waving the cars past the orange cones.”
The rest of the crew looked interested, with the exception of Earl, who was asleep in the corner as usual.
“Nah, we are the replacement actors for the remake of 'The Dukes of Hazard' Boss explained, “so we are dividing into two groups. I am playing the part of 'Boss', naturally. Rebel, you head up the Duke clan, you get Buck, Beau, and Earl.”
“Earl? What in tarnation am I supposed to use him for?” Rebel asked.
“Ballast for all I care. I'm taking Jesse and Bubba, so don't complain.”
Rebel noded. “Putting it that way I wouldn’t. What are you going to do with Bubba?”
“I'm making him the sheriff.”
They both turned and looked at Bubba, who was busily engaged in sticking a screwdriver in an electrical socket.
“T'ain't planning to catch us, are you?” Rebel ventured.
“The script doesn't call for it fortunately”
With that the two groups went their separate ways.
“OK, so do either of you two know how to drive?” Rebel asked, standing by the car.
“Yeah, I do,” Beau said, as he immediately had a sneezing fit, then wiped his hands on Earl who lay oblivious on the ground.
“Right. How about you Buck?”
“I recon I can, I took lessons and all.”
“OK, you're the driver. Let's go for a test drive. Throw sleeping beauty in the trunk with the spare.”
They all climbed in, Rebel getting in the back seat, putting on his belt and crash helmet, Buck getting into the drivers seat, and Beau climbing into the passenger side, then turning on the engine. The car immediately sped off across the field approaching a wide creek.
“Stop the car!” Rebel screamed.
“I don't know how!” Buck replied.
“What?!!?”
“I only asked to be taught how to drive the thing, not to start and stop it. They did look at me a might curious at the time,” Buck admitted.
The car jumped the creek, and a large fish swimming in it, and landed safely on the other side, stalling out in the process. When Rebel finished with his 'Hail Mary's', Beau asked “what kind of fish was that anyway?”
“Shark of course,” Rebel replied, “and us jumping it is not a good sign.”
“Why, what's it mean?” Buck asked.
“That there will not be a second season of this show.”
Just then a blue woman with yellow hair walked up. “Hi boys, you get lost or something?”
They all got out of the car with the exception of Earl who had slept through the whole thing in the trunk.
“Ain't you got the wrong color... Oomph”, Beau started protesting, and ended up holding himself where Smurfette kicked him, turning as blue as she was in the process.
“Ya'll got something against blue honey?” 'Daisy Duke' asked.
“No, I meant the wrong color hair. Ain't you supposed to be a brunette?” Beau gasped.
“Oh, well they let Jessica Simpson get away with that already anyway.”
“I don't suppose you have information that might help further the plot?” Rebel asked.
“Yeah, I overheard Bubba and Jesse talking about Boss's latest scheme. Catching Yankees speeding through town, and fining them.”
“Not much of a scheme there. Isn't that what they're supposed to do?” Rebel asked puzzled.
“Script says you're supposed to try and stop them,” Daisy pointed out.
“OK, OK, let's get to the road leading into town. Daisy, you drive, and I don't care what the script says about that.”
They arrived without incident, and Rebel instructed Beau and Buck to get Earl out of the trunk and lay him across the road so that cars would slow down to go around him thus avoiding the speed trap.
The plan worked fine for about six cars, the seventh ran over Earl without slowing down.
“Hey!” Buck yelled.
“Heck, it didn't hurt Earl any. Load him in the trunk again and let's take off after them,” Rebel said.
Boss surveyed the scene dismally. The cars thus far had all passed them at a snails pace, Bubba was busily investigating the business end of his gun, peering down the barrel trying to see the bullet, and Jesse had tied the bottom of his deputy's shirt again showing a bare midriff.
Boss shook his head, then a large Cadillac with New York plates came careening towards their roadblock at high speed with the Dukes chasing it in their car.
The Cadillac veered off at the final instant, stopping out of the path of danger as the Duke's car rammed the police cruiser. The dwarves wobbled out of their respective cars, including Earl who had woken up in time to go to sleep again behind the car.
“Boss, charge him with speeding, careless and reckless driving, and hit and run,” Rebel said.
“Aren't you supposed to be on his side?” Boss asked.
“A Yankee from New York? He's probably in league with the devil!”
Satan stepped out of his car, smoothed his Armani suit, and straightened his Satya tie.
“Was there something gentlemen, and I do use the term loosely?”
“Well um, are you really the devil?” Boss asked.
“I'm a Liberal New York Lawyer, who were you expecting, Mother Teresa?”
“What, is this turning into a remake of 'Time Bandits' too?” Rebel asked.
“I hardly think we have the space for that,” Satan pointed out. “But we do need a conclusion. Anybody have any ideas?”
“Well, we could make it a dream sequence,” Beau suggested.
“Too cliché, even for this contest,” Satan pointed out.
“How about the network yanks the series,” Jesse suggested.
“I think that is likely to happen, but the network usually doesn't do that in the middle of a show,” Satan said.
“We could all be run over by a truck,” Rebel suggested helpfully.
“I'm not sure that would phase Earl,” Satan pointed out, looking at his inert form. “Now I know where the Creator came up with the idea of the Opossum.”
“How about word count?” Bubba asked.
The others turned and stared at him in awe since it was the first idea he had...