SCORPIO (October 23-November 22) Such a shame about that five day waiting period on purchasing handguns. Let's face it, the world would be a much happier place if you could end it all as quickly as humanly possible. I don't need to explain, you completely understand my meaning. It sucks to be you.
If November 20th is your birthday- So you've woken up and gotten out of bed? There was your first mistake. Things started going downhill after you washed your hands and left the employee restroom. Your boss indeed noticed that embarrassing wet spot on your pants, so you can kiss all hopes of that promotion goodbye. Don't bother going home, though, unless you want to witness your spouse performing vile acts with someone half your age. It's nothing quite as raunchy as, say, the photos of your daughter that will mysteriously appear in your email inbox shortly after lunch, however it's pretty disgusting nonetheless. Oh, I almost forgot: Do you remember that lump you found in the shower this morning? It's exactly what you think it is and it's spreading faster than you can possibly imagine. There will be no cake.