Garbled PA Announcements

...Attention Foodmart customers...

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... the FDA ...

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...emergency recall ...

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... have purchased or have in your basket any product containing ...

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...found on aisle...

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...return and do not eat...

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...can lead to nausea, diarrhea...

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...lupus and restless leg syndrome...

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... and have a nice day. Remember, when you shop at Foodmart, you are always guaranteed the lowest prices anywhere and only the highest quality produce.

Just remember not to eat the...

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... or you will bleed to death through your ears.

mmmmf mmfffm fmmfmfmmf mfmfmfmfmf mfmfmfmmmff mfmfmfm evacuate mfmfmfm mfmfmfm mf fmffmf not a drill. Repeat. mmffmfm mffmmfmm mfmm mfmfmfm mfmfmmfm donuts mfmfmmfmfmmfm mfmmffmm only via stairwell mfmfmfmmf mfmfmfmff not a drmfmf. Thank you. White Star Lines mf ffmfm mfmfm mff aboard the Titanic.

"The five-o-clock trade to the contention center is now boring. Peas proceed in a northernly fashion to platform ape to pore the fido-clock drain to the convention sinner.

Welcome ... Bronx Zoo. Please be advised ... hyenas ... crocodiles ... wildebeasts ... ... hope you will join us ... ... for our first ever musical number ... with Girl Scout Troop 6 ... at 3pm ... big show ... with donations benefitting ... ... Chuck and Gary's Tire Emporium and ... ... Assisted Living Center.

Please for to being quick run orderly non-mess style. No reason for to urgent situation not. Calm leaving make for happy happy, safe and whole. For to rage hurtful, not necessary endangered no no unhappy. Go away from all things left backward, not needed. Returning later claim safe and whole when nothing touching. Sneer at grabby, for to block pattern of fashion not all leave. Ungrabby no rage be safe, responsible, be like please.

May.......attention....we ......there......imminent......aliens.....pray....war....worlds

"Hmm, I wonder if the mall will close early."

Bing Bong ... May I have your attention please. This is ... krchchch ... mery Scott speaking ... krchchch ... transport is ... krchch ... eady to beam ... krchch ... in a few minutes. Please have your ... krchch ... Bing Bong.

BEAM???

A man is sitting on a bench in a mall. He is heartily busy eating a pie. He looks up as the mall PA system sounds:

“Attention all security. Could mowhaha please ensure blah blah of mass blah blah wawawa confiscated. All people blah blah cavity blah blah blah. The local mwa mwa mwa alerted.”

The man guiltily looks around and slowly places the half-eaten pie in the trash next to him.

murfle squankle tion please. Would the driver of wofmnal donawed yellow dwandle bdangle your car rongle flinzzzzz blarg fdwd floodgak zongle relocated faaaaaaaaaaaa bleeeeeeeeem result in it being reposessed.

mmmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmmmm please stop leaning on the PA speakers.

Attention all blah blah blah hat, wearing blah blah chimpanzee...static...blah blah blah please proceed to blah blah blah ice machine blah blah wagon blah blah remove ...click...buzz...thump... under blah blah blah where ...static... blah blah immediatley blah blah blah from ...strange whirring... and ...crackling..microwave blah blah blah Thank you!

Blargle blargle safety blargle lecture...the small metal flap goes around the seat belt...you can use the blargle blargle as a floatation blargle blargle in an event of a blargmergency...in a blargleblarg of a decrease in blarg, a mask will drop blah blah blargle...put yours on first and blah blah on your blarg...relax and enjoy your blarg on blah blah airlines.

You woke up groggily on Sunday morning and you dress for for church. You think you probably could have used a few more hours of sleep. As you arrive at church your pastor greets you and asks you to take a seat. You do so eagerly. You start dozing on and off - your pastor's words seem far away- and you hear: "I'd like to ... while we ... before that time ... the Devil had ... NOT JUST A MILLION, but ... you can't smell all that ... how in the world could you have known?" With that you stood up and left.

"Goodafternoon blahdies and blahentlemen, blah blah blah said that blah is not permitted, if you are seen blahing you will be blahed $50,000"

"shhhhh! everybody 'static static static' O god, its eating his 'static static static' As quickly as possible'static static' O holy lord 'static' Sale ends monday..

"Hello blah and blah, i would like to blah that Mr. blah blah has blahed the lottery, can mr. blah blah please come blah centre"