Hilarious Headstones 3

Here I lie, all cold and hard
Buried in my own backyard,
Cheap ol family if they only knew
All my money is back here too.

Here lies Walter Baggot
Supplier of tools to the masonry trade
He will be sorely m

Captain Jack was a scurvy dog,
Who sure did drink a lot of grog.
With all the danger pirates face,
He should have died with noble grace.
But instead of meeting his demise,
While fighting other ruthless guys,
Or being lost to the deep stormy seas,
He passed on land from liver disease.

Here lies the body of Charlie McBean
Who tried to get chips from a vending machine

He put in his coins and then punched in two-eight
But the coil got stuck and he soon was irate

So he shook it and shook it until he turned red
Then it fell with a crash--he was instantly dead

But he was a good man and nice to his wife
So he'll get to eat chips when he's in the next life.

Here lies the body of Ronald Jones.
We think it's the right spot.
We buried him at night time,
And by morning we forgot.

Now I must leave,
For me Heaven calls,
So please move aside,
Your crushing my balls.

If death is real, and life is gone,
I'm buried in this plot;
So dance a jig upon the lawn,
While I lie here and rot.

"I didn't think it would be a sting ray either."

"To my beloved children, John, Martha, Carol, Mel, Tom, Andrew and Carl, my grandchildren Emma, Jack, John Jr, Andy, Steven, Tim, Martha, Jen, Tony, Jimbo, Lars, Jason, Max, Anne and Stella, my great grandchildren Tony Jr, Jackson, Ben, Katy, Olga, Hans, William, Bryan, Alonso, Herb, Rita, Carol, Maria, Linda, Ralph, Jonas, Steve, Leo, Ron, Dean, Susan and Ellen... I was born sterile."

Thank you Mario!

But our princess is in
another coffin!

The babe, he did rock,
From the bough the crib fell.
I looked up to catch it,
As it fell with a yell.

Now I lie in my grave,
My mind floating free;
But I can't help but wonder,
Why t'was a babe in a tree.

"Ashes and Dust are no match for the power of Oxiclean!"

Although he suffered from ED,
Pfizer cured that in a jiffy.
With the side effect,
That he died erect.
And thus was buried a "stiffy."

Here lies Buster Fidd.
He SWEARS he didn't...
But we all know he did.

You remember when I put aside
All that money you'd get when I died?
Well I spent it on booze
And on women who's loose
I'm a liar and, well, here I lie.

Here lies Hannah Montana.
________Miley Cyrus
A blonde pop sensation.
_brunette
She will be missed by the nation.

Here lies the renowned “King of Pop”,
Whose albums rose straight to the top.
Those sweet little boys,
He played with like toys,
Are glad that it's come to a stop.

Kelvinator Model 183439 cryonics unit

Hands off my icecream. I know who you are.

My beautiful Jeanette, my beloved Caroline
Oh Ida, Lisa, Cindy, Izabelle and Josephine
In every way I loved you all, but at my end of days
I guess it's time to tell you I have
Herpes.

May his halo shine from Orange Glo, and his robes be the purest white thanks to Oxi Clean.

My wife married me for the wealth and fame
She murdered me for the affairs and the shame
Now shes a widow, waiting for her millions
But I'll have the last laugh
Cause I left it to my girlfriends

Below you I lie all nice and calm.
While worms feast upon my tum tum.
They have dined upon my face.
And I hope it was to their taste.
Shed no tear upon your veil.
For someday they will feast upon you as well.

That antique 'Vette you'd always wanted?
I'm keeping it; now it's haunted.
I let you drive it, always breaking it,
So into the afterlife I'm taking it.

HERE LIES THE LATE KNOW IT ALL WHO DIED WHILE TRYING TO ESCAPE HIS DEATH. HE DROWNED IN THE RIVER WHILE TRYING TO ESCAPE THE CAR THAT WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM