Top five things you don't want to hear from your movers.

The town you are moving to, that's where a serial killer murdered all those people. I heard that the killer is Tom's brother.

We had a small problem with the antique hall stand; it wouldn’t fit in the truck so Tom cut the legs off.

You know, that nice family portrait, the one with that nice gold frame; we can’t find it. Tom thinks he may have left it on the footpath.

When we were packing the contents of your family room, Tom lost a curried egg sandwich, which he was eating at the time. It is possible that you may find it packed in with your books. Tom said it’s okay; you can keep it.

Delivery on Tuesday shouldn’t be a problem; Tom will still have his driver’s license. The DUI court case begins on Thursday.

5. “The good news is we’ve found all of your belongings. The bad news is they’re up for sale on eBay.”

4. “One of your boxes broke and something fell out. We had to call the police. They’re on their way to seize everything in the truck as evidence.”

3. “It seems there’s been a mistake with your paperwork. Everything is on its way to Buenos Aires.”

2. “Do you have a pet cat?” The mover hands you a familiar collar. “We found your cat in the truck. Your fridge fell on it while we were driving.” Following an awkward pause, “We’re sorry for your loss.”

1. Ten minutes after a truck leaves with everything you own, the mover arrives. Confused, you tell him that someone named Dave already took everything. He replies, “Dave? We don’t have a Dave at the office.”

5. “Is it okay if I take a picture of your mattress? You can see the Virgin Mary in the yellow stains.”

4. “Your couch was too heavy to lift, so we had to remove the legs and most of the Doritos from inside.”

3. “There’s a vibrating box in your closet, and Jorge won’t go back in there because he thinks it’s el Diablo…”

2. “Wait, we weren’t supposed to use actual peanuts?”

1. “Fra-jee-lay…”

5. "We'll start with these boxes marked 'liquor' and just see where it goes from there."

4. "Wow, this is the fifth haunted house we've moved someone into this month."

3. "Oh, don't mind my bubble wrap fettish." (POP, POP, POP) "Mmmmmm."

2. "No need to pack your wife's clothes. Joe and I will just put on each outfit one at a time and dance out to the truck."

1. "You know that Ark of the Covenant you have? Well, funny thing...the lid kind of came off and well, just DON'T LOOK AT IT!"

5) … oh, you meant THAT Portland, I guess we'll see you in a week and it will cost an extra five grand.

4) A few Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnakes escaped from the other cargo we were moving and we could not find them all, so we think that some of them are hiding in your furniture.

3) Jack Bauer 'borrowed' the truck and the police said we can have what is left after they finish their investigation.

2) Remember when you said that one of our laborors wasn't looking too well, you were right. The Center for Disease Control is on their way, apparently your family needs be quarratined for two weeks while all of your furniture gets disenfected.

1) We will be sending some of our best workers to assist you in your move, the foreman's name is Larry and his helpers are Moe and Curly.

1. “Oh... you meant Melbourne in Florida, not Melbourne, Australia?”
2. “We had a tough time getting your piano out of the lounge.” (When you don’t own a piano.)
3. “There’s nothing a bit of duct tape won’t fix.”
4. “That bridge really didn’t look that low.”
5. “It was already broken.”

"The truck with your stuff in it blew a tire, but we should have the time to change it before the hurricane comes..."
"That thing is already in Chicago. Wait, that's not where you are moving to?"
"It was nice of your cousin to help us. Wait, you didn't know that guy either?"
"You are moving? I thought this was a garage sale, I've just been selling these items."
"I don't think it was alive when we left, either..."

5. Oops.
4. What’ve you got in this one? Maracas?
3. Big screen TV? What big screen TV?
2. Well, geez, how was I supposed to know it was a Ming vase?
1. Your kid? The last time I saw him, he was playing near that big box you had us put in the incinerator…

5. Oops! That grand piano ain’t so grand any more!

4. We provide quality customer disservice.

3. We’re not only movers, we’re also shakers (of crystal and fine china).

2. Our movers have a reputation for speed and safety! We step on the gas,
and then break!

1. You mean Fragile, China, isn’t the name of the town and country you’re
moving to?

"Was that china plate set expensive?"

"Our contract doesn't cover unforeseen lighting strikes."

"Do you have a tow rope? We seem to have lost the trailer in the lake."

"Do you need your furniture right now?"

"We dropped you grand piano down the stairs. The good thing was that it played chops sticks as it fell."

5) "So, you think I could have this flat-screen?"

4) "Hey, you want to meet me at your old place for a little...reunion?."

3) "Ma'am, how many boxes did you have when you finished packing?"

2) "The arrow on the box supposed to be facing the ground, right?"

1) "Oh...ma'am? I think I heard a 'meow' come from this package."

1.Boxes, who needs boxes?
2.No need to mark the contents on the box, it all goes in the house anyways.
3.Thanks for helping out a felon. Just got out of prison for home invasion.
4.Hey these old quilts of yours really do well wrapping up the contents of your refrigerator and freezer.
5.So you are moving from Indiana to California. Is that North or South of here?

We finally got the piano in, I just hope that that was not a loadbearing wall.

Movers? No, that was a misprint. We are here to mow your lawns.

Yep, we got it all there, in record time. Perfect in every way. Everything. Furniture, crockery, indoor plants, asbestos, termites...

Small problem, no all your stuff is here, none of it is broken, all in one piece, it's just that your house is gone.

This might sound strange... But did I leave a large bag of white powder in your credenza?

1). Sir, we found your dildo under the bed, would you like us to put it in a box or will you be taking it with you?

2). You know, we could get it out if we knock that wall down.

3). Who keeps all this crap?

4). Well, we kinda screwed up, you see, we put fragile on all the non fragile boxes and vice versa...

5). Wow, that's uhhh, a lot of stuff, i don't think we can do this in one day, we're gonna have to call another crew in, got $1000 bucks on you?

Top Five Things You Don't want to hear from movers...

5. Everything fit in the moving van - except for that dining table. We had to saw a leg off of it, but no worries - it fits now.

4. There was a locked trunk in your closet. I got that lock off for you.

3. No, I only do this when I'm on parole....

2. Are you insured?

1. Oops!

#1 " Hi there. I'm Jon, thats Frank and this is Lance, but we all call him 'Mr Dropsy'."

#2 " I hope that sofa's not heavy 'cos Franks got asthma "

#3 " You know, this is my first job since I was fired from the circus. I used to be a juggler. Just chuck me that vase and I'll show you my act."

#4 " Hey! You use the same hand lotion as I do. Don't you find that it makes hands really slippery? "

#5 " We usually steal a few things but I wouldn't want any of this old tat. "

1. "The truck broke down."
2. "Sorry, wrong house!"
3. "Your dog was killed."
4. "Okay, now we'd like our one million dollars. Yes, I know, it wasn't on the contract, but deal with it."
5. "No, I won't send your furniture out. I don't like you."