Left-Handed Compliment: Celebrity formal wear

Rules:

OK, that example above was real--it was Björk's. The Academy Awards show in the U.S. is great time to make catty comments about gowns, and snarky comments about suits. But we have to be civil (at least some of us), so the trick is to disguise the criticism as a compliment. A left-handed (or back-handed) compliment--something that sounds good, but is actually a jab. Since we don't want to hurt the self esteem of any movie stars by criticizing their actual selections, we're asking you to imagine a gown or suit that is so bad that you can't resist writing a snarky (but well-disguised) comment. You can include the star you're imagining in that dress, if you think that will add to the fun. Get it out of your system! Everyone is welcome to play!

The rules of the game are thus: Write a left-handed compliment for formal wear. Help us picture the item in question, and then tear it up (figuratively, of course). Make it anonymous; make it subtle; make it witty; keep it clean.

Keep in mind that profanity is not acceptable. All entries must be in accordance with our text rules and guidelines.

As always, quality is a must. You will have 7 days for this contest, so make your submission count.

Word Limit: 50. Entries longer than 50 words will be disqualified.

Hit List: Cher. No picking on Cher. (Fish, barrel).

Please look over the suggestions in this discussion before submitting.

The entry fee for this contest is 2 credits; the jackpot will depend on the number of entries.

Thanks to pcysmith for today's themepost!

Entries:

Mariah

How nice that she had those seams reinforced so that she could wear a smaller size. Red satin looks best when it's stretched too tight for wrinkles.

Word count: 27


SJP

It's wonderful that the huge pink ruffles on her shoulders are big enough to help her balance on those six inch heels. They're just like taffeta angel wings.

Word count: 28


Red Carpet-Green Dress

Your green dress looks stunning against the red carpet. Is it a mock up of the dress Vivien Leigh wore in Gone With The Wind or from the spoof Carol Burnett did of the movie? Either way, I'd proudly hang you in my dining room any day of the week.

Word count: 50


Out of This World!

That gown is so out of this world! You're like a sparkly alien!

Word count: 13


Prom Dress

Seeing that dress makes me so happy because it brings back very fond memories of my senior prom. It was so long ago that I was starting to forget.

Word count: 29


A Beautiful View

The crystal beading on your dress is incredible; it draws my eyes straight to your magnificent décolletage. It looks like you have head-locked two bald men and trapped them inside your gown.

Word count: 32


Tutu

A Tutu! A real pink tutu! Wow! I had one of those, back in the day. I think I was about eight or nine. Oh this brings back memories! I think my mother had to burn it in the end, cause I would not stop wearing it. Ah good times...

Word count: 50


Love that dress

Oh darling, what an adorable dress! I love it, love it, LOVE IT! It makes you look just your age.

Word count: 20


Green Gaga

Kermit the frog is just a wonderful color green, isn't he? My son used to adore him and the rest of the Muppet gang when he was 3. I see you've gone quite vintage today, Lady Gaga...

Word count: 37


Ouch!

Oh how sweet you are to let your 7 year old help dress you for such an important occasion. She's really captured that little mermaid-esque look with the tightness of that skirt.

Word count: 32


March Of The

The slightly-elliptical cut of that tux makes you at once regal and adorable. You have the look and walk of an Emperor.

Word count: 22


That dress is a little tight...

My, what a pretty green dress you're wearing; I didn't know you loved mermaids so much!

Word count: 16


Hat, Coat and Shoes.

"Your Hat. I do so love your coat. How infra-dig. I like the way it completely covers your outfit. I don't know how you can bear to take it off. And your shoes, they look as if they should walk by themselves. You could go so far in them."

Word count: 49


Beautiful Dress

That is a very beautiful dress Lil' Kim, they might not have to fade out any body parts this time.

Word count: 20


Glamourous sparkle

wow, thats a gorgeous diamond teardrop headpiece, and those are really nice diamond earrings, you planning to drive through gang suburbia with that? This is my left hand, this ones my right, which one should I smack you with first?

Word count: 40