Jaded Jingles

Rules:

The best part about this contest is that you knew it was coming. Just not when. HA!

In today's rapid-fire media-blitz world, getting your message out to the consumer is more challenging than ever. From the early jingles of "plop plop fizz fizz" to the invasive "i'm lovin' it", catchy songs and slogans are the key to getting the brand and the product into the heads and on the tips of the tongues of consumers.

But, what happens when the best of marketing intentions goes terribly wrong?

In this contest you're to create an annoying, obnoxious and completely unsuccessful slogan or jingle for a popular product or brand. These are the ones left on the advertising room floor. Remember, this is parody, so keep your sense of humor and keep it clean. You have five days for this contest, so make your entry count. Review all of Worth 1000's Text Contests Guidelines before entering, because poor entries will be disqualified.

Text Guideline: 25 words

Entries:

Implodium Anti-Diarrheal Medicine

When your tummy aches
And your gut starts to shiver,
Run like the wind,
Not like a river
With Implodium!

Word count: 20


GameBoy Baby!

When television's not enough
To distract your pride and joy

You can keep him still or shut her up
With a shiny new GameBoy!

Word count: 24


I-Pod Endorse MP3 Swapping

What was that?
I can't hear!
I-Pod's stuck,
In my ear.


I-Pod holds,
A thousand songs!
A million pirates,
Can't be wrong.

*Until they're sued

Word count: 25


Microsoft

Microsoft: Cuz it's not like you've got a choice, so choose... Microsoft.

Word count: 12


Jaded McJingle

Forget about cholesterol,
Because everyone dies!

Carbs aren't that bad,
They look good on your thighs!

Have another Big Mac,
We love your Supersize!

Word count: 24


Dexatrim

Dexatrim: Because proper nutrtition and exercise are for losers!

Word count: 9


Viag-RAH!

Have a "slump" and feeling weary?
Want your wife to "Thank you, Deary"?
Try our Blue Pill, Get Up and Cheery!
Try Viag-RAH today!

Word count: 24


Wow that really works!!!

Viagra....

"If it keeps you going for 4 hours, a trip to the hospital is no big deal."

Word count: 18


Focus Groups Are Good for Marketing

Bean-0h! ~
Your feedback helps us improve our product. Your backsides keep us in business.

Word count: 14


Philadelphia Cheese

Philadelphia: A little taste of heaven, with all the fat in Hell...

Word count: 12


Bad Examples

The All-Time Leader in Excitement—Ford, the maker of Edsel, Pinto, Gran Torino, and Fiesta! Want excitement in 2006? See your Ford Dealer today.

Word count: 23


Truth in Advertising

Hoober- Our vacuum cleaners really suck!

Word count: 6


Hershel's Chocolate

Which is better? Sex? Chocolate? Eat us.

Then, decide.

Word count: 9


McDonald's: The Honest Years

Try cow eye burgers at McDonald's,
With spleens and back rump bone.
Ronald McDonald has got heart conditions,
So leave you arteries at home.


Disclaimer: Several employees were fired and subsequently sued for the above jingle.

Word count: 36


Bushnell Binoculars Meets Dr. Pepper

"I'm a Peeper, he's a Peeper, wouldn't you like to be a Peeper too?"

Word count: 14


Dunlop Tyers

For peace of mind on the road,
You will have no fear of crashing,
Dunlop tyers is what you need,
Three Cheers! They're simply SMASHING

Word count: 25


mmmmm

M&M's

The Snacking, Chewing, Non-Melting, Anytime, Multi-colored, so you can get a sugar rush medicine.

Its the NyQuil slogan, changed to accomodate something that tastes better

Word count: 28


Better? Worse?

RC Cola ~ It's nothing like the Real Thing.

Word count: 8


Massengil Femine Hygiene

Yeah, we're not exactly sure what it does either. But it has vinegar! That's gotta be good for something.

Word count: 19


Foolger Extra-Caffeinated Coffee

Buy it. Buy it! Buy it!! BUY IT!!! BUYITBUYITBUYIT BUY IT!!!!!

Word count: 11


KFC

Chicken made the way some old fat white dead guy from the South 100 years ago did!

(Could be altered and used for Wendy's)

Word count: 24


Rejected Slogan #173

Tide with Soap Alternative!

It's all washed up.

Word count: 8


Happy Meal

I ate cheaper, chewed sweeter,
and gave into temptation I’d been denying
and Ronald said you’ve got the chance
to live like you were dying.

Word count: 25


Timex

"It takes a kicking to keep it ticking."

Timex Corporation
Rejected Slogan #25:01

Word count: 13


StarBuck$

Spend more Bucks for your Star-Coffee!

Word count: 6


PLay's Potato Chips

PLay's Potato Chips!
You'll Only Want To Eat Just One...
Tasty goodness and all your minimum daily requirements in just one small chip!

Word count: 23


Goldfish

Feel a rumble in ya tummy? Want somethin´ yummy? Goldfish! Yum in your tum, they´re Goldfish!

Word count: 16


Smelling Like A Rose

Lead singer:
"If you smell like IT,
And your lovelife's down the john,
Tickle your sweeheart's jaded schnozz,
By spraying IT-GON on..."

Back-up singers:
"Your---self---of----coursssssse"

Word count: 25


Fresh Leather

Wilson Footballs, made from the freshest leather around. Your ball will be as smooth as Leather Face's face.

Word count: 18