Forgettable Superheroes

At the very moment she was reading the words "profanity is not acceptable" in a Text Contest description, Marilou received an obscenely large electrical shock from her keyboard. "Doodie!" she exclaimed. And thus was born Filter Woman: protector against profanity, expurgator of expletives, crusader against cusswords, able to sanitize entire web pages in an instant.

"Hey, kids -- swear-words are for suckers! Join my battle for bowdlerization, and remember: don't be a man-meat!"

When lighting struck the agency, an electrical surge burst through the laptop of the mild-mannered account executive, fusing his consciousness with his Excel spreadsheet. From the charred remains of his cubicle emerged Marketing Man!

Using his new super-human powers, Marketing Man roams the night increasing customer entrenchment, maximizing return on investment, and developing cost-benefit analyses to determine the most effective ways to save people of all demographics!

Late one stormy evening young Kent Clarkwell’s PC was struck by a massive power surge just as Kent was performing a spell check on an assignment, and the massive (and unlikely) explosion granted Kent the power to make others get their words all messed up. Malapropism Man chooses to battle evil doers through the power of embarrassment, making them appear poorly educated in front of others.
He gets beats up a lot.

Sheila Gumbawlski was involved in a bizarre laundry accident involving a faulty dryer, rayon underwear, an off-brand dryer sheet, and too much static electricity. The accident gave Sheila the uncanny ability to sense if a lint trap was full sight unseen, thus giving rise to Lady Lint-Trap!

Born of a careless trip to the toilet. Captain Empty Roll sends evil doers to the showers or at least scrambling for some anti-bacterial soap with a simple hand shake.

A routine kidney scan for incontinence on Willy Wet-Boy goes horribly wrong with a power overload. Now Willy Y-Front’s irradiated kidneys produce PP-999 a deadly compound of Urinis and Day-Glo enabling his underpants to flash in the vicinity of evil–doers.
Willy Y-Front can now project gigantic streams of gelatinous PP-999, use it to swing from building to building, and trap criminals in vast blobs of the rapidly hardening super-substance.

“Here I come to save the day”….after an unfortunate accident involving a canister of spray dessert our hero was forced to live by night (only coming out after dinner). He fights crime guided only by his “Extra Light” and using his trusty “Double Whip”. He battles against the evil SPECTRUM (Secret Plan Encouraging Children To Really Upset Mothers).

Ladies and gentlemen I give you Mighty Mousse.

In 1979, he was heating a frozen burrito in a microwave with a busted door while repairing well-worn favorites from his music collection. The radiation that escaped mutated him into the hero he became: Mister Eight-track Tape Splicer.
Since then, he has walked the earth in a purple spandex one-piece, the yellow letters METS emblazoned on the chest, in search of those with broken tapes, using his superpowers only for good.

Created in a fertility treatment mix-up of gargantuan proportions, Donkeywoman has sworn to fight gene therapy to the last.

Armed with her huge teeth and vicious back kick this is one woman who can seriously kick 'ass.' Those huge floppy ears ensure she will hear your cries for help wherever you may be. She may take a while to reach you, but reach you she will - pink tassels and all!

It was raining when the nail in Brett’s right front tire finally wiggled itself loose. Air escaped along with his common sense and he slammed on the brakes. He lost control and collided with a stubborn tree.

Brett survived, but suffered multiple fractures and breaks. An experimental xylitol steroid injection program saved his life, while making his body elastic enough to become a tire.

He now travels highways looking for flats needing a quick fix.

An electrical spark sent her sailing across the kitchen by merely touching the sink ridge and the refrigerator simultaneously. Linda knew her life would be changed forever. Suddenly she could slap mashed potatoes onto plates with the force of a baseball traveling 150 mph, and shoot yeast rolls from the 3 point line. With her infamous medal ladle fastball she has taken down, and continues to take down, hundreds of children attempting to steal food.

Sergeant Retinal-Damage suffered retinal damage whilst pouring through reams of computer code. He has developed the ability to have his eyes gush water on command. This allows him to tag criminals with his DNA, usually by crying on them as they leave the scene of a crime. His DNA is available for comparison from any of the many hospitals in which he inevitably spends a large amount of his time after such a heroic act.

Do you find yourself falling apart at the seams?
Are you finding it hard to keep it together?
Have you bitten off more than you can chew?
Yes?
Then you need Bubbaman!

Involved in a horrific traffic accident with a tanker carrying molten gum as a young man, Bubbaman developed mystical powers of adhesion and, buoyed by his miraculous survival, vowed to devote his life to fight breakages.

“Please welcome to our show, Wok Woman.” “Wok Woman, made headlines recently for saving the presidential lunch. Bravo.”
“Wok Woman, you fell asleep in your electric Wok and bingo you’re a walking wokery.”
“Yes, while making tempura.”
“Guess that’s why the mask right?”
“No, it’s part of my costume. My daughter made it.”
“Precious. What now Wok Woman?”
“My powers will help save the nation from processed food.”
“Amazing!”
“Thanks.”

Wake up, eat, go to work, eat, bed. But you don't realize how dangerous that can be. For John it was a nightmare. He was brushing and flossing regularly when he took too much floss (dun dun dunn). He started violently choking which then resulted in passing-out. When he woke up he made an oath, an oath to make sure no one else will choke on their artificially mint flavored dental floss.