Expressing the Truth 2

Pride comes right before you screw up.

Pain is relative, and my relatives are more painful than most.

The only thing we need to fear is everything that can harm us in some way.

Never make the same mistake twice when there are so many new, fun ones to try out.

.....sure gave a lot of Star Trek writers a bundle of impossible plots.

Beauty is in the eye of the plastic surgeon.

What goes around ... is probably spinning.

It wasn't necessarily curiosity that killed the cat, but rather their fascination with soft rubbery cords.

Still waters run deep, but they also breed mosquitos.

A bird in the hand is better than one above your head.

Don't give the game away...it will just be sold the next day on eBay.

A house divided will pay child support.

A man is known by the hygiene he keeps.

...whatever you feel like doing, until discovered, then blame your medication.*

*(Often used by Defence Attorneys in homicide cases.)

'Money can't buy happiness, unless you know how to waste it by shopping for shoes.'

Life is short . . . unless you are waiting for something you really, really want.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try the Worth1000 tutorials.

A rolling stone gathers a lot of royalties thanks to rock 'n' roll!

You can lead a horse to water, and you can try to make him drink, but if you try too hard you will probably drown the horse.

An apple a day leaves you hungry.

Too many cooks spoil the payroll in a restaurant!

Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will kill my confidence.

Good things come in small packages as long as they also contain the gift reciepts.

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man throw his alarm clock through the window.

"Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt deaf people."

...is invariably your Bank Manager, your landlord,or a Microsoft Phone Support Engineer.

Buy a man a fish and he'll burn it while trying to cook it. Then you have to buy him another. He complains it doesn't taste fresh. You try teaching him to fish. No luck. Later, there's a news story about a man beat to death with a fishing pole.

Procrastination is the ...

Prostitution is the "oldest profession". Law must be second, because of the extreme similarities to its predecessor.

The proof is in the tequila.

A stitch in time is what keeps the fabric of your universe together

Different strokes ... from different brushes.

A fool and his money sometimes buy some really cool things.

"A penny saved is a penny lost in the sofa cushions."

He who laughs best is usually the butt of the joke.

Aim for the moon; even if you miss, you'll die of suffocation and starvation.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if the Sierra Club hadn't booted him out of the forest?

Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts Presidents, Prime Ministers, Religious Leaders…

Shoot for the Moon, if you miss, then you.....well.....you did miss a pretty big target!

I cannot tell a lie. Except for hyperbole from time to time. Well, nothing worse than a small fib, perhaps. Okay, little white lies, but no whoppers. And, only rarely, a real canard. Fine, but perjury is completely out of the question. See? I can not tell a lie.

Don't count your chickens before they all come down with bird flu.

A Rolling Stone Gathers An Obscene Amount In Residuals From A Fan Base That Takes Blood Pressure Medication.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names are what you call me.

punch him in the nose!

Are you pulling my leg? You better know how to put back a prosthetic one!

Arrogance is a kingdom in California!

"People who live in glass houses shouldn't aggravate people more powerful then themselves”

Out of the frying pan, onto the plate!
~Me

Each day provides its own stress!

Work hard and the world is your slimy, smelly, snotty oyster.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, it might bite.

People who live in glass houses should not have brats as
dwellers!

The only thing we have to fear is tax day.

If you look back, you'll soon be using insurance because you are not paying attention!

A stitch in time makes programming my VCR an even bigger pain in the rear.

Houston, we have a problem, they've run out of toiletpaper up there.

Dreams are wishes if you are not a workaholic!

If you don't have a plan for yourself, you'll be part of counselors' world!

You're the spitting image of my brother. . . Try to say it, not spray it.

A good son makes a freaky student in high school!

"People who live in glass houses should be real careful"

a stitch in time heals a wound
~Dr. Hackenemoff (veterinarian)

An apple a day, keeps the nagging away.
[Most likely from the wife]

A bird in the bush is worth two in a cage.

Practice makes you think your good!

Woah! Get off the pot. I cook macaroni in there.

Lifestyles of the rich and shameless

-- A leopard can't change his spots --
I am who I am, so get over it.

"Can you hear me now?
Hello?? You there!?! HELLO????"
- - -signal lost- - -